Some Tips on Helping your Child Find Opportunities to Open Up More

karlakamermanrp@gmail.com (Karla Kamerman) — Tue, 28 Jun 2022 10:00:59 GMT

ADHD Isn't Just About Attention. It's About the Future.

A different way of understanding ADHD, self-regulation and everyday behaviour

When most of us think about ADHD, we think about attention.

Difficulty concentrating.
Getting distracted.
Forgetting things.
Losing track of time.
Starting things and not finishing them.

But there is a bigger question worth asking:

What happens when the future doesn't have quite enough influence over what we do in the present?

One influential way of understanding ADHD looks beyond attention and focuses on self-regulation. Self-regulation helps us anticipate future events and organize our behaviour around them. In ADHD, this ability to organize behaviour across time can be disrupted, making immediate gratification more influential than longer-term consequences.

I find this way of thinking about ADHD incredibly useful.

Because it helps explain something that can otherwise be very confusing.

Why does someone with ADHD know what they need to do, but still not do it?

This is a common question.

Someone knows they need to make the appointment.

They know the deadline is approaching.

They know they will feel better if they exercise.

They know the bill needs to be paid.

They know they should respond to the email.

They know that putting something off will probably make tomorrow harder.

So why doesn't knowing lead to doing? Because knowing what needs to happen and being able to regulate behaviour around that knowledge are not the same thing. Every day, we make decisions that require us to weigh what feels important now against what will matter later. And ADHD can make that calculation harder. More often than not, the future carries less weight. The immediate reward, relief or stimulation can have more influence than a consequence that is delayed, even when that future consequence is objectively more important (e.g. doctor's appointment, deadline).

The questions needs a tweak.

Instead of:

“Why don't you just do it? You know it's important.”

we might ask:

“What future benefit (dentist, bill payment, returning a text/phonecall) is presently waiting in line for your attention right now?”

That is a very different question. Without blame, it considers the competition between, right now and a future priority.

ADHD and the pull of “right now”

Think about the ordinary decisions we make every day.

Go to bed now or watch another episode.

Do the paperwork now or do something more interesting.

Make the appointment now or tell yourself you'll remember later.

Exercise now or stay comfortable.

Deal with the uncomfortable conversation now or enjoy a peaceful evening.

The future consequence may be more important. But the immediate consequence is right in front of you.

People with ADHD are often strongly influenced by immediate and smaller consequences than by delayed, larger and more important outcomes. The future hasn't disappeared. It simply may not have the same behavioural influence in the moment.

That distinction matters.

This helps explain why ADHD can look like procrastination

From the outside, procrastination can look like a choice. Sometimes it is. But when difficulties with self-regulation are involved, there may be something else happening. The task isn't sufficiently rewarding. The consequence is too far away. So is the benefit. The task that prioritizes the future benefit feels boring, overwhelming or uncomfortable. Something else offers more immediate stimulation or relief. So the brain chooses what is more compelling now.

Tomorrow's problem loses to today's reward.
Until tomorrow becomes today.

Then the deadline is suddenly real.

The appointment becomes urgent.

The bill has to be dealt with.

The conversation can no longer be avoided.

And the person may genuinely wonder:

“Why didn't I do this when I knew I needed to?”

This is one reason I think it is important to move beyond the idea that ADHD is simply about paying attention.

Sometimes the problem is about the influence of the immediate benefit...it holds huge weight for many with ADHD.

The hidden cost of hundreds of small decisions

I think this may be one of the most important implications.

ADHD does not necessarily create one enormous problem.

Sometimes it creates hundreds of small moments in which “right now” wins over “later.”

One late night.

One missed appointment.

One forgotten bill.

One postponed task.

One skipped workout.

One impulsive decision.

One more promise to remember next time.

None of these necessarily looks significant on its own. But repeated over time, small decisions where "right now" wins over "later" accumulate. To the point that they exhaust trust and wear on relationship.

We make choices involving immediate versus delayed consequences hundreds of times each day, and ADHD can bias those decisions toward the immediate rather than the delayed outcome. This can influence health behaviours, lifestyle choices, work, finances, routines and even create trust challenges.

So what actually helps?

If the problem were simply a lack of knowledge, giving someone more information would solve it. (Sounds like: you should have given yourself more time, or, how long have you known about this deadline?)

But often it doesn't. Someone with ADHD may already know exactly what they should be doing.

The more useful question becomes:

How can I prioritize the future benefits despite my very influential preference for the present options?

That might mean:

putting an appointment directly into the calendar rather than intending to remember it (be realistic if you have a history of forgetting)
making an important task visible rather than keeping it in your head (lists, whiteboards, apps, calendar)
breaking a large task into a small, immediately doable step (reduce overwhelm > procrastination)
creating an external reminder at the point where action is required (calendar alerts)
using accountability
reducing unnecessary decisions or
creating routines that remove the need to wrestle with a decision
making the immediate experience of a healthy or productive choice more rewarding

The goal isn't simply to demand more discipline. It is to recognize when the present environment needs to do some of the work that self-regulation is having difficulty doing. It is important you or your family cannot focus only on the visible health or lifestyle problem. You also need to address the ADHD-related difficulties with behavioural inhibition and self-regulation that can influence everyday decision-making.

What might this look like in real life?

Area of life The immediate pull What matters later A more useful question

Sleep I'll watch one more episode. Tomorrow's energy and functioning What would make

tomorrow morning more

influential tonight?

Health I'll exercise tomorrow. Long-term health and wellbeing How can I make starting

today easier?

Appointments I'll book it later. Getting appropriate care What would get the

appointment onto the

calendar now?

Work I 'll deal with it later. Deadline pressure and stress How can I make the future deadline visible

toda y?

Money I really want this now. A future financial goal How can I make the future goal more

concrete?

Household tasks I'll remember. The task being forgotten What system can hold this instead of

relying on memory?

Parenting It's easier if I just do it. Developing independence Am I solving today's problem or building

tomorrow's capacity?

Relationships I don't want to deal The quality of the relationship What would help the with this now long-term

consequence matter now?

Personal goals I'll start when things Whether the goal ever gets started What is the smallest

settle down action that connects

today with the future I want?

These examples don't mean that every instance of procrastination, impulsivity or avoidance is caused by ADHD. They illustrate one useful way of understanding how difficulties with self-regulation can affect everyday behaviour.

Shifting from regret to a proactive regulation

So instead of perpetually asking:

“Why didn't I do what I knew I needed to do?”

Shift to an honest accounting question that leverages movement forward:

“What will i be glad i chose later?" or "What choice will serve me best later?"

That second question shifts us away from blame and toward understanding.

And understanding raises awareness and with awareness you can manage it differently.

It means figuring out what needs to shift to make responsible, beneficial action more possible.

That, to me, is one of the most useful ways to think about ADHD; the benefits of "later" are deliberately exchanged for the "right now" gratification or indulgence.

Research note

This article draws on research and clinical work describing ADHD as a disorder of self-regulation, including difficulties with anticipating future events and organizing behaviour across time. The article also draws on the concept that ADHD can influence decision-making when immediate and delayed consequences compete .

Meet Sue: An Interview with a Volunteer

karlakamermanrp@gmail.com (Karla Kamerman) — Tue, 28 Jun 2022 10:00:59 GMT

There are so many good reasons to communicate with site visitors. In this case, it's an interview post, sharing a conversation between the blog writer and a person. Highlight your organization's goals and advantages, through the conversation.

Here are some reasons to make blogging part of your regular routine.

Blogging is an easy way to engage with site visitors

Writing a blog post is easy once you get the hang of it. Posts don’t need to be long or complicated. Just write about what you know, and do your best to write well.

Show customers your personality
When you write a blog post, you can really let your personality shine through. This can be a great tool for showing your distinct personality.

Blogging is a terrific form of communication
Blogs are a great communication tool. They tend to be longer than social media posts, which gives you plenty of space for sharing insights, handy tips and more.

It’s a great way to support and boost SEO
Search engines like sites that regularly post fresh content, and a blog is a great way of doing this. With relevant metadata for every post so search engines can find your content.

Drive traffic to your site
Every time you add a new post, people who have subscribed to it will have a reason to come back to your site. If the post is a good read, they’ll share it with others, bringing even more traffic!

Blogging is free
Maintaining a blog on your site is absolutely free. You can hire bloggers if you like or assign regularly blogging tasks to everyone in your company.

A natural way to build your brand
A blog is a wonderful way to build your brand’s distinct voice. Write about issues that are related to your industry and your customers.

Parents Coming to Terms with the ASD Diagnosis

karlakamermanrp@gmail.com (Karla Kamerman) — Tue, 28 Jun 2022 10:00:59 GMT

As parents, hearing the doctor's prognosis and realizing your child has an autistic disorder can be quite challenging. But it's not the end of the world. Millions of families around the world live with autism every day. Here are some tips to cope with the news, if you're hearing them for the first time.

Keep it in perspective

Even if you weren't prepared for the day you'll learn your child has some degree of autism, we know it can be hard. But in the grand scheme of things, your child is physically healthy and surrounded by people who care and love him or her.

Talk to other parents of children with ASD
It can be a huge help speaking to others who've already been there. Talk to parents who already went through the path you're now starting. You'll find empowerment, resilience, and even hope.

Think practically

It's best to focus on what you can do, now that you've learned your child has ASD. And there's a lot you can do. Our organization has numerous programs in place to help you and your child achieve their full potential.

Stay optimistic
Positive thinking is a major factor in success. So instead of mulling over things that didn’t go quite right, remind yourself of things that did. And maintain hope for a better future.

karla-transfer

Some Tips on Helping your Child Find Opportunities to Open Up More

ADHD Isn't Just About Attention. It's About the Future.

A different way of understanding ADHD, self-regulation and everyday behaviour

Why does someone with ADHD know what they need to do, but still not do it?

ADHD and the pull of “right now”

This helps explain why ADHD can look like procrastination

The hidden cost of hundreds of small decisions

So what actually helps?

What might this look like in real life?

Shifting from regret to a proactive regulation

Research note

Meet Sue: An Interview with a Volunteer

Parents Coming to Terms with the ASD Diagnosis